i'm talking through limited hours of sleep for the past two weeks while listening to a seven nation army cover that surprisingly isnt too bad for a bleach blonde grunge chick with the whole racoon eyeliner goin' on. 

right now i'm sitting at an internet cafe {as i've been doing so whenever computer urges get too strong since my laptop is officially kaputt}. in latest news, i got a chicken fillet baguette and a caramel latte {since they don't know how to make caramel macchiatos at the new place down the road}. i'm not complaining. i'm very comforted by something with a few shots of caffine right now.

oh yeah.

note that there is no autocorrect on this computer and the keyboard is one of those mechanical ones where it makes rattling noises whenever i type {ear-sex}- and now i just jammed the 'x' button on the keyboard and it's stuck there.

ha.

i think life is testing me right now. my patience in general has been worn thin for basically everything and small little things that irk me are like encouraging myself to die nowadays.

now lets talk about long term things!

since i haven't updated properly in more than a year!

y'know when you procastinate on long term projects and when you start, you don't really where to start? yeah.

alright.

so i had a birthday and it was a nice birthday. i had a boyfriend. a real nice guy and then we broke up and i've been a bit awol ever since. i had a vacation to hot asian countries and it was unbearably hot and i was stared down everytime i walked down the street {worst confidence boost e v e r}. i couldn't stand the heat and whenever i wore makeup it leaked off my face. on the bright side of things {THERES A BRIGHT SIDE?} i got off my fear of fast vechicles and risked my life for the last week joy-riding at 3am every night. also another good thing was late night live music bars that kept me incredibly sane and enjoying life for the rest of my vacation. i would so go back for the last two things. i really felt alive and it was all so intoxicating {and that was before i was inebriate, mind}.
i also finished my favourite book as of yet- norweigan wood and started a book that i've bought twice called 'the luminaries'. it's pretty good so far but lets just empathize how fucking amazing norweigan wood was. it really spoke to me. like words jumping outta nowhere and circling me {like the pokemon movie with entei and the scene where the unknown were circling molly and it just looked really fucked up and scary}. anyway! ten out of ten reccomendations for norweigan wood. you gotta read that book before you die. it's so good. 

by the way i'm typing this as i've got twenty five minutes left of time before the next hour hits on my limit here at the cafe so i ain't proof readin' and i ain't sorry.

i'm also procastinating going to work which is a few shops down the road. 

there's a white abstract foam heart floating atop my coffee and its really abstract and i'm just glancning at it right now like 'cute' but its a pretty shit heart and at least she tried.

i'm quite all over the place these days. i'm forgetting A LOT of things as well. i've been so forgetful that i think theres patches in life where it's just my memory heavily faltering. i also lost my new iphone a week ago and a ton of other small things that i can't remember {GO FIGURE}. alcohol, cigarette and coffee levels are at an all time high on usage and sleep is either too little or too much. god, i'm so GOD DAMN FUCKING NEUROTIC.

i think i'm a ticking time bomb lately. 

i feel really alive lately.

i've been in the best of moods and the worst of moods and doing whatever the fuck i want.

it's pretty great.

great great great.

i think i'm going insane and i'm embracing it too much because it's great writing material.
is this how the best writers die?